I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
