i think my mom watched the whole time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
