Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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