Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
