im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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