I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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