I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
