So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
