Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
