So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
why is half of my head shaved?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
