if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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