sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
