Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She bit a glass in half.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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