Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
