He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
