All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
