"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
