the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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