she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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