If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
