I wish I only lived at night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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