dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
