how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
