hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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