Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
