Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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