Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
