I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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