last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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