woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Help. Why am I so naked?
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