Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
