Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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