she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
