I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
