i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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