So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
