dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
