Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
