Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
