soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
