i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
