My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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