That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
