I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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