Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
