he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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