I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
