you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
