About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
