Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
