The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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