I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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