We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
