i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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