Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
